I have been practicing automatic writing for years and I had the urge to write this today by just letting the words flow. We have all been through all kinds of journey's, each is unique to us. Even if we lived similar situations, our perception and interpretation can be very different. This post may be difficult to read, if you feel triggered by it please reach out to someone that makes you feel safe. If you don't feel like you have anyone yet, please feel free to reach out to me. We can heal if we work together <3
Lately, I have been wanting to mend a relationship with my body. Truly mend and build that relationship, not just lose weight or get healthy... I want to look within, discover what my body is holding onto that is no longer serving me, in order to release it. I have to admit, it is hard work. I am eternally grateful for my support system and my loving, understanding family. I have learned through this journey that I am the only one who could mend that relationship, even though I wasn't the one who broke it. This thought is very Empowering and I hope that you can see that as well. It may have taken me a very long time to learn that but I am so glad I did, because that is the first step to loving myself, as I am.
As a woman in this world I have been continuously harassed, berated, humiliated and abused by a certain kind of man. I know that this story is not unique to me, and that is a very sad fact. In my work in discovering what my body is trying to tell me through my weight gain and various other stubborn health issues is that I need to do the work, to heal my soul, in order to heal my body. The messages I have been receiving through hypnosis, past life regression, shadow work is that somewhere within my subconscious, I still don't feel safe. I need to find a way to feel safe in order to release this wounds. The weight is acting as a shield, as armor because guess what? It is very, very rare now, that I have to deal with those men harassing me. Is it the weight? Or is it the belief that I am worthy of not experiencing those things? People who do those things to others have a knack for finding our insecurities, vulnerabilities and sensitivities - Maybe I built enough of a wall to protect myself from those things being viewed.
But I am ready to gently bring down that wall, with my Soul Sisters, because that is what I feel it is going to take for me to heal. As a young girl they saw the innocence within me and my passive nature, they noticed how I was quiet, shy, reserved and they took advantage. The things they would do or say to me still ring in my ear when I try to take care of my body. I know that I am safe now but sometimes it takes a lot more work to convince ourselves on a subconscious level. I am ready to do the work and I will share my journey to anyone who feels called to it, because when we heal ourselves, we can help heal the collective. So to all the women out there who were somehow called to this seemingly random post - we are worthy, we are powerful and we are stronger than we were taught to believe.
Love Always,
Steph